Do you feel sexual attraction only when you have an emotional bond with someone? If the answer is yes, you might be demisexual, but don’t confirm it yet, we’re going to explain everything you need to know first! 😉

What is demisexual?

It’s a sexual orientation in which a person is only attracted to another individual with whom he or she has previously established a close, intimate, emotional bond. Demisexual people don’t usually have a crush at first sight, because they need that strong emotional connection to be physically attracted to someone else. It’s simple: they don’t feel attracted if there is no love involved!

However, the fact that there is an emotional connection doesn’t guarantee that the demisexual person will experience sexual attraction.

Sensual vs. sexual attraction

Once a demisexual person bond with another person, two types of attractions can occur: sensual and sexual desire.

The sensual one is the caressing, cuddling and sensory (non-sexual) activities that bring you closer to the other person. While the sexual one is characterized by the desire, emotion or urge to be close to another person and to have an intimate encounter with them. It can happen between people of the same or different sex.

Asexual vs demisexual

Some people think that demisexuality is the same as asexuality, that is, having little or no interest in sexual activity. Although the terms are related, they aren’t the same. First, it must be understood that there are several types of attraction. Sexual attraction refers to the desire for sexual contact. It isn’t the same as romantic attraction, emotional attraction or, for example, aesthetic attraction.

Some people may also refer to demisexuality when talking about grey asexuality (also known as “graysexuality” or “gray-ace”), as grey asexuality refers to limited sexual attraction. 

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How to tell if you are demisexual

If you don’t feel sexual attraction instantly or to random people, these may be signs of demisexuality. Other signs include feeling that sex is an obligation, being confused about sexual attraction, and liking the idea of sex but not being able to think of anyone you want to have sex with. 

Every demisexual person is different, some may want romantic relationships while others do not, and some may not want sex at all.

Some people may also feel conflicted because they may not know they are demisexual and feel sexually attracted to a close friend. But someone who is demisexual doesn’t need to be “in love” to feel close.

And if you decide to date, know your goals and your boundaries, decide when you feel safe enough to reveal your orientation, and be prepared to take the emotional risk of being vulnerable while being aware of red flags like love bombing.

By the way, if someone isn’t compatible, that’s okay. It doesn’t mean something is wrong with you!