We recently talked about demisexuality, a very little-known sexual orientation. Therefore, today we want to refer to an orientation that is often made invisible in society. That’s right, asexuality!
Asexuality is a sexual orientation, just like homosexuality, bisexuality, and heterosexuality, among many others. It is both an identity and a spectrum. Asexual people are sometimes referred to as asexuals or aces for short.
Most aces have little interest in sexual relationships. However, they may experience romantic attraction.
Make no mistake, asexual people have the same emotional connections and needs as everyone else. And yes, they may be attracted to the same sex or other sexes.
Each person has different experiences, which may include:
It is a sexual orientation. Normally, an asexual person has little or no interest in sexual contact with other people. However, he or she may be sexually active alone or with a partner.
It isn’t synonymous with choosing not to have sex or losing interest in sex.
And, no, it is not the same as celibacy or abstinence. If someone is celibate or abstains from sex, it means that they have made a conscious decision not to engage in sexual activity despite experiencing sexual attraction.
Neither is the same as sexual aversion disorder or hypoactive sexual desire disorder. These are medical conditions related to sexual anxiety and contact. Social pressure can make asexual people feel anxious about sex, but that is different.
The Asexuality spectrum is not:
As mentioned above, asexuality doesn’t mean celibacy. People who practice celibacy abstain from sex, but not necessarily because they are not sexually attracted to other people. Remember, we are talking about sexual orientation, not a choice.
Some aces have sex! There are many reasons why they may choose to do so, but two of them are to please their partner or to have children.
Many asexual people have romantic feelings for other people, date, and have short- and long-term romantic relationships. They usually don’t have an aversion to sex or sexual performances, they simply do not feel sexual attraction.
A person does not become asexual because they have been sexually rejected. This is a harmful and persistent myth. Some people realize they have this lack of sexual attraction after one or more sexual experiences. Others know from an early age.
It isn’t a mental disorder, and people do not become asexual because they have been sexually abused. Like anyone else, this sexual orientation is not determined solely by a person’s history. Although these factors may shape part of a person’s identity, sexuality isn’t a choice.
Although it isn’t necessary to present yourself to your loved ones (or anyone else) as asexual, some people find it helpful or cathartic.
It’s always up to you to decide to whom to disclose your sexuality, but it’s never okay to disclose it to anyone else, not even your partner. If your partner prefers to keep this part of their life private, respect their decision!
In many cases, asexuality is unlikely to come up in conversation, but it can be helpful to decide how you would respond if a loved one asked you about your orientation 😉.
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