EMOTIONAL DEPENDENCY: ITS SIGNS OF HOW TO OVERCOME IT

When we hear the word “emotional dependency,” we see a bleak scenario in which one person is completely dependent on the other for everything they do, the decisions they make, and the accomplishments they achieve.

Unfortunately, this is only a small part of the story. Let’s first understand what emotional dependency is.

Emotional dependency: what is it?

Emotional dependency is a mental condition in which a person is unwilling to accept full responsibility for their own emotions. They experience loss, suffering, misery, worry, and sadness, but are unable to embrace, accept or cultivate these feelings.

They often fail to confront the source of their feelings, leading them to desire the approval of others. They are emotionally dependent on the praise and attention of others, especially a partner, to determine their worth and individuality.

The consequences of emotional dependency that arise can be serious for our mental health and well-being.

It takes courage to tap into skills that will help us move beyond our desire to please others, which makes emotional dependency difficult to overcome. However, if you want to reach your full potential, you must learn to be emotionally strong.

Being slightly dependent on your partner is fine, but when your happiness is based on their emotions, it becomes unbalanced and detrimental. That’s why your partner must provide you with the right support whenever you need it, or else it can become overwhelming.

Overcoming emotional dependency can be a tough process that requires facing uncomfortable realities and tragedies.

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Discovering the presence of mind and inner power that will allow you to become more self-reliant is exciting and can lead to true happiness.

When you do not take responsibility for your feelings and are unable to define your worth, you end up depending on others. This state is nothing more than being a victim of the decisions of others. In this case, the individual needs to understand that:

1. It isn’t the job of others to fill his or her emotional void or needs and must realize that true emotional fulfillment can only be provided by self-love.
2. Emotional Dependency is a terrible state because one never feels content, happy, or satisfied without the approval of another person.

Characteristics of Emotional Dependency

1. Some of the key characteristics of emotional dependency include:
2. Idealizing your relationship or romantic partner.
3. Believing that your life is meaningless or worthless without them and fear of loneliness.
4. Thinking that you will not find any happiness or security if you are single.
5. The constant fear of rejection.
6. The persistent need for security.
7. Feeling empty or anxious when spending time alone.
8. Feeling jealous or possessive.
9. Difficulty trusting other people
10. Types of emotional dependency

Emotional dependence on the family

One of the most difficult to overcome is emotional dependency on family members. It usually corresponds to family arrangements in which parents experience intense worry and pass it on to their children. The latter is raised with an overwhelming fear of the outside world. Everything outside is seen as a threat, while the family is seen as a haven.

Emotional dependence on a partner

This type of dependency is one of the most damaging and frequent. It is part of an erroneous belief that assumes that the partner gives meaning to one’s life or protects one from terrible loneliness. Therefore, the partner becomes the axis of one’s life.

Emotional Dependence on the social environment

The most distinctive feature of this disease is an overwhelming need to be recognized and approved in all areas. The individual panics if he or she does not receive enough genuine expressions of admiration and approval. Moreover, he or she will do anything to acquire this apparent psychological compensation. Feeling rejected is the worst thing that could happen to him, in his opinion.

Examples of emotional dependence

Feelings of unworthiness

They question themselves frequently. For example, you may be given a job in which you are more than capable of succeeding. In your mind, you think you can’t handle it.

You may not feel you’re good enough for a certain social group, job, or relationship. Not only do you intimidate yourself, but you convince yourself that you are incapable of taking care of yourself. Therefore, if you feel unworthy of something or someone, then you are emotionally dependent.

Unable to be alone

People with healthy mental and emotional capacities enjoy time alone. Someone who struggles with emotional dependency will feel tremendously uncomfortable when alone. This can mean excessive anxiety when alone at a party or extreme depression when single.

Self-sabotage

Because people who struggle with emotional dependency have so little self-confidence, they unintentionally sabotage their successes. You may find yourself in a wonderful relationship. Instead of leaning on it, you don’t think you deserve so much happiness. So take action.

You need this relationship to work to feel positive, but you act overly jealous or nice to make sure it works instead of being open and communicating your fears.

False Confidence

Someone struggling with emotional dependency may appear confident or even cocky from a distance. But this is a smokescreen to fool others.

Someone who struggles with emotional dependency may not complain about their appearance or talk badly about themselves.

Submissive behaviors

Someone confident will share their feelings and emotions. They will speak up when they disagree with something and stand up for themselves.

If you are emotionally dependent on a toxic relationship, you will fall into submissive behaviors, especially when you are with someone dominant. You will accept rude behavior and agree to things you don’t want to do to keep the peace.

Need for approval

If you struggle with emotional dependency, you second-guess yourself. Even if you know you’ve done something well or are succeeding, you need to hear praise and approval from outside sources.

Lack of self-esteem

Letting your emotions depend solely on others means that you respect others’ opinions more than your own. When that happens, you don’t treat yourself with love and respect.

You may let others walk all over you. And you may indulge in things like drugs and alcohol, or put excessive effort into people who don’t belong to you.

Jealousy

Jealous behaviors can stem from trust issues. They are often more deeply rooted in emotional dependency. When you become emotionally dependent on the approval of others or successful relationships, the fear of losing can become so intense that you become wildly and irrationally jealous.

Not only would you worry about your romantic partner leaving you or cheating on you, but you’d look at couples on Instagram and popular people and turn green with envy.

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Causes of Emotional Dependency.

Emotional dependency is often the result of self-esteem issues, lack of self-confidence, and a history of insecure attachment in relationships. Although each person may experience these problems in different ways, it is critical to recognize them for what they are. A lack of a sense of self makes a person dependent on those around them to validate their character. Emotionally dependent people tend to seek validation and security in their close relationships.

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Emotional dependence: symptoms and consequences

Symptoms of emotional dependence

Emotional dependence is like a spectrum, with emotional independence and self-fulfillment at one end and total dependence on a partner, friend, or loved one at the other.

Emotionally independent people know how to be emotionally strong and can cope with problems on their own.

They prefer to cope with their emotional needs on their own; however, they may have difficulty being vulnerable and open with their partners or loved ones, which can lead to relationship problems.

Because they are at the center, interdependent couples are the healthiest. Interdependence also implies that each understands and tries to meet his or her own emotional needs.

If you cannot meet all your emotional demands, you can ask your partner for help. In other words, you can depend on them for some of your emotional needs, but not all of them.

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Most people create interdependent connections with a network of friends, co-workers, mentors, and loved ones, allowing each need to be addressed through a variety of interactions, resulting in richer, more balanced lives that are not overly dependent on any one person or relationship.

Emotional dependency is at the other end of the emotional continuum. In this situation, you end up depending on your partner to meet all your emotional demands.

For example, if you are facing emotional distress, you may immediately want to rely on your romantic partner before trying to handle it on your own.

In such a relationship, you may feel that you cannot live without your partner’s emotional support. This suggests that your toxic relationship has reached an unhealthy level of dependency.

Consequences

If you have difficulty meeting your emotional needs and become emotionally dependent on your romantic relationships, the consequences will begin to manifest in other aspects of your life. Here are some examples of how emotional dependency expresses itself:

Problems within the relationship

If you want to know how to become emotionally stronger, you will need to identify the triggers that cause some major conflict in the relationship.

In most cases, emotional dependency leads to a toxic relationship. If one partner in the relationship is emotionally dependent, he or she will need a lot of support and reassurance from his or her partner.

If you feel insecure and have doubts about your relationship, you may need constant approval from your partner to feel good about yourself.

High level of stress

Often, emotional dependency in relationships can cause emotional distress on several levels. If you have constant thoughts and worries about where your relationship is going and whether your partner’s feelings are changing toward you, it can make you feel uneasy and anxious. 

These thoughts can be further intensified when you are not with your partner and you may spend all your time thinking about what he or she is doing and whether he or she is still in love with you. As a result of this fixation, your baseline stress level can become quite high.

Poor self-care:

If you are completely dependent on your relationship partner for any emotional support, then you will fall behind when it comes to prioritizing yourself.

This can manifest as poor hygiene, dependence on drugs and alcohol, lack of exercise or even not taking time for yourself and cultivating your hobbies and interests.

It is unrealistic to place all your expectations on one person and have them meet all your needs, always. You must have coping tools to help you be self-sufficient, especially when others are not available.

How to overcome emotional dependency?

The first step to building a more independent and satisfying relationship with yourself is to identify the root problem and what is causing the current state of your emotions.  Consulting a mental health professional would be the first step in understanding and correcting a problematic emotional state. A professional would help you identify the root problem and potentially give you a clinical diagnosis with a viable treatment plan. Emotional dependency is often accompanied by other mental health issues that affect social functioning.

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